Long time ...

I didn't realize how long it has actually been since I've posted on this site until I actually pulled it up. Damn, has it really been over a year since I've posted anything?
SIGH
Well, after that race in 2011, I did keep my promise to do more. In fact the remainder of 2011 was a bust (I signed up for one in June, but my inability to get out of bed at 4am caused some problems). So enter 2012. This was to be the good year. Um, well, I don't know about that, but hey, at least I've been trying.
So, I did additional races in February, April, June and August. I was supposed to do on in May, but two hours of sleep the night before and a 3am wake-up call meant that I did not get out of bed at all when it was time to head out the door. Ceste la vie. Oh well - it was just a race. Then the July one that I was signed up for didn't happen, well, that was because I was out of state.
My race results this year were improving. I was getting personal records by 45 minutes, and then I went and got myself pregnant. Fuck man, the energy level was zapped right out of me. I was doing so well with my weight loss too, it was nice to see my pants finally sliding off of me instead of having a hard time breathing with them on. But now, sigh, I have to focus on being healthy and eating right and keeping my activity level where it has been all for the sake of something that has been growing in me, that I haven't seen or heard, for the last 10 weeks. Perhaps my attitude will change once I know it is actually alive in there ... one can hope.
So, the last race I did in August, my gawd, that was rough. I was exhausted, wanted to quit, had huge blisters and had my second worst time ever. I blame the baby ... in reality I should be blaming myself. In the weeks before that race, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was exhausted and had no energy to do anything. Sure, my energy level started to come back in the days leading up to the event, but never in a million years did I think I would peter out that quickly. I managed to finish, but I think I am done with the races like that until this baby pops out of me.
So, what is a girl to do when she is plump and needs to reduce the fluff, but has a child growing inside of her. She takes a break, eats sensibly and doesn't worry about it. The time will come when you can worry about it again, but for now, you need to focus on the growing 'it' inside of you.
FUN FUN!!

Post-Run

Ok, so the marathon ended up getting changed to a half due to some rather gnarly back issues in January, but don't fret I crossed the finish line and am working on setting up more races. The full will not remain elusive forever.

Here's one thing though, this weight has got to go. When I hit my funk in January and had issues with my back all hell broke loose, and it wasn't in the good way. I started eating crap again, mainly because I couldn't move to go to the grocery store, so the progress that I'd made disappeared.

The pictures that they took on the marathon course - holy shit I look like shit. I knew I was big and fat, but those pictures make me look awful. Double chins all the way, looking like the preseparated twins from Basket Case, just awful.

My goal for the next race is to keep on track with the weight loss and just watch where I'm walking so the back doesn't freak out on me. It looks like I'm going to become fast friends with Jillian again - her program worked and the weight came off. Sure, it was boring as hell, but I've got to do something. I can't do another race looking like death has come to my front door. Large I can handle, double extra wide, I cannot.

This should be interesting ...

Well, it has definitely been a while since I've posted anything on here, and I do have some updates. First and foremost, the walking and not having the take-out proved to be quite a success. The scales have tipped in my favor once again and twenty-five pounds is lost into oblivion.

Between the stress of the crap I went through June - October, I am really surprised that the weight came off, but when I stop and actually think about it, I shouldn't be surprised at all. Not eating junk, who would've thunk it would actually work in your favor ... gee, I wonder.

Well, I've been walking at least six miles a day four days a week and at least 10 miles a day over the weekend. That makes for a lot of mileage, but I gotta tell you, it has been paying off. The mileage, there's an explanation, I'm doing a marathon with my bud in February. You can follow our progress over here: It's Not a Sprint, It's a Marathon.

Crazy, na. Motivated, absolutely. I have to admit though, the first full week I did my 4x6 and my 2x10 I felt like I'd been run over my a mac truck. It was painful and uncomfortable, but then it passed and I got right back out there the next day for my 6 miler. Over time the distances will increase and the walks will turn into run/walks, but when February comes around, I have no doubt that I will make it across that finish line.

Clean Slate?

Well, I've moved to a new state and wanted this to be my chance at cleaning my slate. I don't think that has actually been the case though. I am burdened by the fears that I refuse to shed (or maybe can't shed?), and I am burdened by my expanding size. During the move I did lose a few pounds because I couldn't eat and that was great ... but after I got to my new place I went grocery shopping.

It's not what you think - I bought all healthy food, no crap at all. The problem was my fridge was too damn cold and all of my fruit and vegetables froze the first night. Crap is all I can say. I was left with my frozen lean cuisine meals and they didn't last. I don't know what my problem was - I simply couldn't stop eating them. I made it through roughly 12 days of meals in two days. Talk about a fricking pig.

My groceries are essentially gone, and I guess for me that's good news since I have a mile to go to get to the grocery store and I no longer have a Walgreens conveniently located on the corner any longer. If I want to actually eat, I have to work for it - oh and since there is no delivery service here equal to what I had in my old home, I don't have to worry about that either. Thank gawd.

I need to actually start exercising - this is getting ridiculous. If I don't lose some of this weight, I can't expect to ever really find anything can I? Pity party - na, just thinking out loud and hoping that I am strong enough to make a life change that I have so desperately needed for that past decade.

I would like to say, here's to a fresh start, but until I think that in my own mind, I guess it is just wishful thinking.

Pictures

Hrm, ok. So today was the first time that I've actually seen a full-body picture of myself and holy shit. I had no idea that I was that huge. Numbers on pants mean nothing to me, they never have ... but pictures say it all. I cannot believe that I am that rotund - I never would have imagined that I actually looked like I do. In all honesty I look like a ball with sausages sticking out while attempting to play the role of my legs. My arms, ha - they don't even fall straight - they actually bend out because of the excess around my mid-section. You can't even tell that I have a neck - everything just seems to blob together. A waist, um, what exactly is a waist supposed to look like because I sure as shit don't have one ... instead of a waist I have bulges and rolls. What did I do to myself?

You're Fired

Yes, that's right - you're fired. At least my body is fired. After doing the whole, eating right bit, my body has revolted and the scale has jumped five pounds in three days. Talk about bulking up. Ridiculous. Frustrating. Unbelievable, but alas, my weight is a frustrating, heart-stabbing leech that tries to suck the life out of my willpower. I refuse to let it win this time. This time, I shall prevail. This time I will win "King of the Mountain" and shove those damn cravings off the rock pile. Frustrating as all hell, but eventually this will pay off.

Another one bites the dust

In a tribute to my beloved '80s music and Queen ... another one bit the dust. I held a funeral today, and wait for it - my pants will not rest in peace.

Ok, so not really a funeral, but another one really did bite the dust. If I am keeping track, and subconsciously I fear that I actually am, that makes four pairs of pants that I have had to surreptitiously toss on yonder. Why? Well, I wish it was for all the right reasons - they were too big, they were out of style, I caught them on a sharp corner and ripped the ass out of them - but no, these pants have not died such a wishful death. They died because I blew them out - yeah, you got that right - they exploded on my ever expanding ass. Well, at least that's how one of the pairs went - in a blaze of non-glory. So, curious?

I went for a walk yesterday, something of my daily routine to clear my head ... listen to some Kansas and clear the cobwebs. About mid-way to my destination and turning point I noticed that my right pant leg started to ebb its way up and actually twisted a little bit so that the inseam was pointing about 45 degrees further than it should have been. I thought they just got bunched up in all the fatness that surrounds my thighs, but I should've known better. Now, I've had numerous pants go out this way, but it was always blue jeans that died in this manner - wearing the friction center so much that the fabric wore all the way through and a burn-hole emerged only to spread from front to back and all around. Blue jeans, I expect that from blue jeans -- heavy fabrics, tons of friction, its bound to happen. I didn't expect it to happen to my khaki pants, the ones I was wearing yesterday. After I reached mid-point I realized what had happened and I hoped it was just a minor tear in the fabric so that I wouldn't end up with "rug burn" on the friction part of my thigh. Oops, wrong again. By the time I got home, my leg had a nice rub burn on it from the hole in the fabric - and the hole expanded quite profusely. Boy, am I glad I had on a long shirt otherwise all those unsuspecting folks would've had quite the show yesterday.

I am so sick and tired of having my pants die like this - but at least yesterday's wasn't as embarrassing as the blue jean blow-out. Yeah, you got it. A complete and total blow-out. This happened around November and I tried to put it out of my mind, but yesterday's mishap brought it rushing back. I had a great pair of jeans that I fondly remember fitting perfectly and then getting too big for me to wear ... ah the good 'ole days. Well, I was siphoning through my clothes back in November trying to decide what to keep and what to toss, and I thought I would try on those jeans to see what pile they went into. Granted, these jeans were heavily worn in their day, so the fabric had seen a great deal of friction on the inner thighs, but I certainly wasn't expecting what happened next. I got the pants all the way on, victory!!! Damn it, wrong again. As soon as I got the button through its loop and the zipper up I moved just a little bit and it was like a bomb went off. All that built up tension in the fabric just let go at that moment and my pants exploded. The inseam was all that was left - the fabric separated itself on both sides of the inseam on BOTH legs. It was sheer craziness. The pants had a mind of their own. I didn't even bother with trying to get them off, I just had to tug and the damn things ripped off. You think I should've taken that as a sign that I let myself get to frigging fat ... um, yeah. Did I? Hell no.

In the words of Queen, another one bites the dust, and I do sincerely hope that it is the last one for quite some time.